2020 PLV Scholarship of Orange County Winner: Alexis Votran’s Interview
Now for Alexis’s interview questions, which range from bullying to LGBTQIA+ issues to the aesthetics of feminine beauty. You can read more about her remarkable character and thoughts on everyday activism in Part One of this two-part winner’s series.
The following questions were posed to Alexis last summer. Her responses were so complex and insightful, I decided to feature them in their own separate post. In addition, Alexis is a talented photographer, and her portraits have been featured on this page.
What are some of the ways high school students can take a stand against bullying at school? What advice would you give to someone who is being targeted by bullies? What would you tell the bullies themselves?
To those observing bullying, it’s common knowledge that high school is riddled with senseless rumors and unnecessary drama. Unfortunately, it’s become so normalized that students are expected to remember that high school is temporary, and once they graduate, everyone who fueled the high-school drama will magically mature after graduation, and all of their worries, stress, and anxiety from high school will vanish. As I mentioned in my essay, what students learn in high school transcends more than just the curriculum. The memories they make in these mere four years have the power to leave a lifetime of trauma and pain. Throughout cinematic and television history, bullying has only been portrayed as physical violence or stealing homework and lunch money. Although this is valid and true, bullying encompasses more than the physical: cyberbullying, defamation, and more.
Every student has the power to improve their school’s social climate and protect their peers from bullying. People, especially students in high school, are eager to see the worst in someone when it comes to drama. When listening to gossip or rumors, don’t be so quick to accept what you’re hearing as the indisputable truth. Think about how easy it is to make up and spread an unfounded, absurd rumor about someone. Minimizing bullying can be as easy as not spreading every single negative rumor you hear. Don’t be complacent. Instead, question the validity, importance, and impact of what you’re observing. Is the greater good really being served by putting this person down? How will this mentally, emotionally, and socially impact the person being talked about? Is their subsequent pain and hardship really going to positively impact everyone else in the long run? How would I feel if I were them?
Oftentimes, having someone else stand up and be an advocate for you is more powerful than advocating for yourself. It is a real test of character to stand up for people who you are not obligated to in order to do what’s right. When students are confronted with these situations, whether it is in person or online, even if you are just a bystander and aren’t closely associated with who is being targeted, calling out cruel, unnecessary behavior can send a powerful message and inspire others to do the same in order to make school a safer, kinder place.
To those who are experiencing bullying first hand, it is important to keep in mind that bullies hurt others to make themselves feel better. Of course, individual experiences are unique. Some students may be targeted for things they cannot change, such as their sexuality or physical appearance. Others are tormented for no reason besides the fact that they were the first person to get on their bully’s bad side. But the common denominator in all judgment, harassment, and bullying is that it is far more courageous to unapologetically be who you are and persevere in the midst of adversity than to sit back and bring pain unto others in order to feel powerful.
In my personal experience with bullying, I was never able to put a stop to it. Throughout the six years I was in middle and high school, I desperately searched for answers as to why so many people wanted to see me hurt. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I discovered that some people will never like you no matter what you do, say, or think. Just like how there are some people who will always love you no matter what you do, say, or think. I found myself drowning in anxiety and insecurity when I begged for answers and prayed to God for a sign as to why “everyone hated me.” I was so exhausted trying to make the rumors, lies, and pain stop until I realized that my visible distress and desperation were the emotions my bullies intended to create. I focused so much on the pain that I forgot about my friends, family, and teachers who cared for me. I know it is easier said than done, trust me. It took lots of practice, but I decided to forgive those who had hurt me, even if they refused to apologize. You can forgive someone and not want to be associated with them; forgiveness is to reconcile the past. I wanted to free myself from the cycle of perpetual frustration and hurt and forgive in order to create more space in my life for those that brought it added value. When my indifference replaced my insecurities and my confidence outweighed my fear, I felt my mindset shift. I dedicated more time to the people and things that brought me joy and love. I just graduated high school this week, and in retrospect, I see that I could have spent a lot less time in pain if I had done three things sooner: reach out for support, accept the fact that some people were holding grudges against me for things that they did, and take control over how I respond to challenges that I cannot control.
If you are struggling with bullying, I encourage you to find a trustworthy adult or friend on campus who could provide you support, insight, and potentially a solution. If you feel like there isn’t an individual you can comfortably confide in, I’m always available to talk! You can reach me at my email address alvotran1@gmail.com 🙂
In regards to bullies themselves, I have actually made amends with many of my former bullies. Some have even become close friends of mine and will spontaneously apologize to me for the things they did in the middle of dinner or a car-ride, which always makes me laugh because I forgave them so long ago. I’ve always been a firm advocate of growth and understand that every person in high school is still growing up and dealing with their own insecurities. Some bullies may pick on others in order to amuse themselves like a bonding activity or gain popularity points, caring more about making other people laugh than how a victim felt. Other bullies may not even realize they’re bullies because they haven’t developed the concept that other people have emotions and experience pain just like them. So to anyone who may be the root of someone’s pain, whether you know it or not, I encourage you to reevaluate your actions and the person you are becoming. You may not be able to see it, but would you continue to do and say these things if you knew the person you are targeting is so anxious that they struggle to come to class or is contemplating suicide? If you still think that is okay, I encourage you to learn empathy and hope you find another way to survive besides causing harm to others.
Sexual assault and harassment against women and girls frequently occur on school and university campuses but often go unreported and unacknowledged, leading to deep-seated feelings of shame, fear, and self-loathing for survivors. What are some ways that young people who have experienced this kind of trauma can find strength and healing? How could educational institutions better address these issues?
To this day I still have my moments of feeling afraid, ashamed, and regretful. I can’t control the actions of others and yet I took responsibility for the pain I endured. I told myself that I could have avoided all of the pain if I had done just ONE thing differently. I was blaming the victim, me. I became hypnotized with regret, wanting nothing more than to go back in time in order to change things, fantasizing about a life where I always asked myself “what-if?” I was reliving my trauma daily. My pain was put on replay. I saw myself become a summation of my trauma and it broke my heart knowing that I may never be able to heal. After lots of practice, hard work, and time, I have been able to recover. Although I still struggle with my past, I am optimistic that I, along with every person who has experienced trauma, is capable of finding peace.
To those battling guilt, self-loathing, and shame; it is not your fault. I know it’s difficult, but reliving the pain and refusing to let go is like choosing to drink poison and expecting someone else to feel sick. It is especially hard without closure or justice, but when you’re anchored to the past and in a carousel of despair, it is impossible to indulge in the things that make you happy and add value to your life. The past cannot be rewritten, and even though what happened is unfair and unfortunate, there is always hope for a better future. You deserve to heal and in order to attain that you must move on. Accepting the past does not mean you condone what happened to you. It means that you are freeing yourself from the negative attachments in order to pursue something far greater because you deserve it. There is a quote that’s helped me come to terms with the past: “If you wouldn’t spend the last hour of your life talking about it, there is no need to spend your entire life thinking about it.” Offering guidance and support to those who have suffered similar experiences has been a gratifying experience as well. Assisting others as they navigate through their emotions and experiences has helped me heal. I’ve also found that reaching out for help and exploring different methods like mindfulness, meditation, and journaling are productive as well in finding what works for you. All in all, there is hope.
I am still learning how to reread the chapters of my past without feeling stuck on those pages. Some days I wake up strong and ready to take on anything that comes my way, and others I can’t seem to even get out of bed. But I’m not striving for perfection. I’m striving for progress.
Schools and staff have an immense amount of power to combat these issues. A victim once approached me asking for help contacting adults and the police. We were told by an officer that what happened to her happens to hundreds of girls every day and that seeking justice would be very difficult, nearly impossible. Ultimately, “there was nothing they could do.” It’s been a year since, and she continues to struggle daily with the anxiety from her trauma. The lack of support only worsened the guilt, fear, and shame she carries to this day. Educational institutions, law enforcement, and every individual can better address these issues by addressing these issues in the first place instead of dismissing them altogether. Many victims have tried seeking help in all levels of education but have only been turned away. In many instances, colleges/educational institutions put the victim on trial, accusing them of dressing scantily or misremembering the event. Perpetrators oftentimes claim defamation and sue the victim instead. Numerous incidents like these deter people from coming forward and make campuses a more dangerous place. Colleges and universities must make their campuses safer by holding perpetrators accountable and spreading awareness. The more taboo the subject, the more likely it will go unacknowledged.
What are some of the greatest challenges that teens face who come out as gay, bisexual, or trans? What can schools do to promote environments of inclusivity for their LGBTQIA+ students?
Every LGBTQIA+ student has a unique experience with coming out. I believe that it is largely dependent on the social climate of your community and household. At the end of the day, we all just want to be accepted. To those who aren’t part of the LGBTQIA+ community, it may be difficult to grasp why the correct pronouns are so important and how damaging it can be to be treated as an accessory and labeled as the “gay-best-friend.” Many people, including myself, grew up thinking that people were either straight or gay and that one is more acceptable than the other.
To combat this, schools and students can promote inclusivity by starting clubs, such as Gay-Straight Alliance to foster community and education about the LGBTQIA+ community. Schools should also offer inclusive sex-education that offers LGBTQIA+-relevant information. Surprisingly, many schools still do not offer this curriculum although research has shown that it can reduce risky behaviors, risk of depression, and bullying among the LGBTQIA+ youth. As human beings, we can all make strides towards allyship for the LGBTQIA+ community. Things as effortless as using the correct pronouns can make someone’s day, and it takes almost zero effort and time, just understanding, consideration, and respect. This action takes a few seconds but is so powerful because it represents your acknowledgment of a person’s humanity and their right to exist as they are. Confronting homophobia in your social circles can be a catalyst in fostering allyship amongst a group of people who previously did not support or understand the cause. These are some of the many daily meaningful actions that can help make your community more accepting of people from all walks of life.
How has your photography hobby helped you to grow as a person? How do you hope your portraits speak to others?
We live in a society that literally constructs and profits from our insecurities. The cosmetic and makeup industry alone is worth more than $532 billion dollars. Society and the beauty industry use advertisements and idealized celebrities to foster generalized insecurities that line their pockets. From toy makeup sets to kid-friendly makeup sold in the children’s department, children are taught from a young age that they must abide by beauty standards or else they will be perceived as inferior. What is even more frustrating is that these beauty standards are unattainable as they are constantly changing.
Growing up, I, along with almost every other girl I knew, was constantly reminded of what was wrong with their appearance. The “fat or nerdy girl turned hot chick” movie trope conveyed how we may be treated differently by how we look. Lack of representation and bullying taught me how someone’s skin color or eye shape could inherently make them ugly. Skinny-teas, butt-enhancement creams, and weight-loss programs taught me that if I couldn’t modify my physical appearance myself, I may have to pay to be considered beautiful. For years, all I wanted was to be the same, going the extra mile to hide parts of my body that were natural and out of my control in order to make everyone else more comfortable and trying an array of obscure diets to “lose weight fast!” I would look in the mirror and hate everything I saw and could never change. But when I heard the insecurities of my peers and how they wanted to change themselves, I was in disbelief because I found them all to be so beautiful just as they were.
It was then that I discovered I could use my photography as a tool to uplift others, to provide people with an experience in which they felt beautiful and comfortable in their own skin. The purpose of my work is to illustrate the beauty of natural femininity, to encourage others to embrace it, and to spread a positive influence on my models and those who work with me because I know that there are many others who share the same insecurities that I had years ago and still have. My work consists of portraits of my peers– both men and women–of different ethnicities, facial structures, and body types photographed against themes of nature: beaches, forests, flower gardens, etc. I intended to uplift students of my school by encouraging them to feel confident about themselves despite societal beauty standards. I wanted to convey how our physical attributes were all unique yet just as beautiful.
Along the way, I have been able to bond with a lot of my clients as they confided in me regarding how their insecurities have held them back. I’ve been able to provide an opportunity to men who were previously shamed for their femininity and sexual orientation and turn that into something beautiful. For example, one of my models had been shamed by his parents for wearing floral-print clothing because it was “gay.” He had not come out yet, so you can imagine how damaging this experience must have been for him. We planned a photoshoot with bouquets of long-stemmed white flowers and he ended up loving them. This is my favorite part about my work: showing a peer a photo I took of them and watching the excitement on their face. They cover their mouths, gasp, and ask silly questions like, “Oh my gosh, I love it. How did you do that? How is this photo real?” And I am just like, “I did nothing! You were this beautiful before I took the photo!” But I am grateful I have the ability to show them how beautiful they are at all. It makes me so happy that I’m able to capture a photo where they can proudly flaunt about their looks, especially if they were struggling with insecurity before. Through my work, I have been able to channel a negative, disheartening experience with insecurity and self-hate into an outlet for confidence, not just for myself, but for others.
I hope that my work encourages others to diverge from how society and the beauty industry wants us to feel about ourselves and others. I truly believe that there is no such thing as “being ugly” because beauty is subjective. Thus, there is no such thing as being physically ugly, only being insecure. So, with all things considered, people should find what makes them feel beautiful regardless of what the current “ideal body standard” is. If you feel that plastic surgery or makeup makes you feel beautiful, invest in it! But do it for you, not for society’s elusive, manufactured standards.
2020 has been an unusual year of global and national hardship that has precipitated change, growth, and self-reflection on an individual and community-wide level. As a social justice advocate, do you see the Black Lives Matter movement connected to other causes you stand for, including LGBTQIA+ rights and the celebration of racial and ethnic diversity?
The Black Lives Matter movement advocates for equal rights, safety, and protection of all Black people, including those who are gay, lesbian, trans, and gender non-conforming. I believe that the fight for LGBTQIA+ rights and racial equality are directly connected. In fact, the founders of the Black Lives Matter movement are three black women, two of whom identify as queer. Moreover, if we look back historically, we can see that the two went hand-in-hand. The Stonewall Uprising in 1969 initiated what we know now as the mainstream gay rights movement, and it was spearheaded by LGBTQIA+ Black women and women of color. Not only were Black people at the forefront of the LGTBQIA+ movement, early LGBTQIA+ activists were directly inspired by those of the Civil Rights Movement in observation of protests and marches. At the time of the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s, being gay was still generally considered mentally ill or immoral. The concept of fighting for minority rights was pioneered by the Black community and adopted and embraced by women and the LGBTQIA+ community.
We can apply this to these different movements that have a very clear intersection, especially when you consider the multitude of people who fall into the category of all three. Considering all of this, it is important to remember that injustice somewhere impacts justice everywhere, which is why intersectionality is so important. Race, gender, class, sexuality, disability, and nationality must all be considered in the battle against oppression. So as we continue to advocate for national change, we must continue to support each other. In the end, we are all fighting for one thing–equality–and if you are truly in pursuit of equality, you are in support of not just your rights, safety, and protection, but those of everyone else as well.
A great quote from Nelson Mandela perfectly encapsulates this message: For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
In your essay, you mentioned your desire to cultivate a school community in which students were “encouraged, to tell the truth, forgive each other for being human, and accept each other’s differences.” As a member of Generation Z, do you believe this kind of future is obtainable in America? If so, how can we work together to create it?
I believe that social media is fostering a society in which people are no longer allowed to make mistakes. Cancel/callout culture previously seemed to be exclusive to celebrities who had displayed problematic or controversial behaviors, but now children as young as fourteen are continuously doxed and harassed online before they even have the opportunity to learn and mature. Online users do this in order to “ruin the lives and careers” of these people. Although I believe individuals should be held accountable for and educated about their actions, I know that I myself struggled with internalized self-hate in regards to some social issues when I was young. Some of the biggest advocates of social justice I know have histories of homophobia and racism due to their community’s indoctrination that they weren’t able to escape until college. Moreover, racism, bullying, victim-blaming, slut-shaming, and even more exclusivity divides, not just our society, but the entire world today.
I believe it is possible for America to attain a future that allows us to be human, but in order for that to happen, we must be able to utilize empathy, kindness, and education. When we’re confronted with people who display patterns of bigotry, instead of blocking and doxing them, recognize the privilege you have to make an ally. When you block and unfollow people who disagree with you, the audience you seek to convince with your educational reposts and retweets are erased. Instead of eliminating these relationships, remember that you have the opportunity to use communication and compassion to make a positive change. In any event, you weren’t born woke either. We all have unique circumstances in finding ourselves and what we stand for. So when we judge a teenager who has never experienced life outside the confines of their home let alone the real world for their indoctrinated opinion, reflect on your flaws, and use compassion to further your cause.
That being said, it’s important to prioritize your mental health. If you feel that you’ve exhausted all means, have only been met with incivility, or know that it is just impossible to get through to someone, protect your mental health, and preserve your energy. There are going to be times where people just do not listen and CHOOSE to be the way they are, but you did your best to communicate and educate on behalf of a good cause.
Another issue I have noticed is that most of the people I see online pride themselves on spreading positivity, supporting growth, and preaching about mental health, yet continue to bully others with no remorse or sit idly by as others do. Things as easy as communicating with people we have issues with directly at school and work, recognizing when we project our insecurities unto others, and being open-minded can reduce negativity and inspire others to do the same. Everyone, myself included, can do a better job at practicing what they preach and making society better for us all, one kind act at a time.
